forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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