I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
