and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
