we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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