just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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