Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
