it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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