Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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