Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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