No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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