I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
