She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
