Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
