We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
