nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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