he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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