Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
