trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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