I think my vagina is haunted
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
