I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
