i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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