The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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