Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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