Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
