help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
