like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
