Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
