am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
