you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
