Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
