Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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