Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
