and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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