Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
