Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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