I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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