i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
