I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
