I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize