So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
