I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
