you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
