Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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