I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
