I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
