when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
