and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
