come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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