There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
