Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i have two assholes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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