i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
