And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
