my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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