SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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