I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
