I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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