so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
