I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
