dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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