exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize