I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
