It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
