Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
