don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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