it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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