i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
