What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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